Liar, Liar
September 6th, 2006
We all know that honesty is the best policy. Our parents and teachers have always taught us that you never get ahead with being dishonest, and that being truthful is always the right choice. But is it? Does honesty really pay?
So we all know this, and yet we continue to be less than 100% honest. How many times do you lie, every day? 10 times? 20 times? More?? Each of us does it - every day, we lie. We lie to our spouses, our kids, our boss, officials, coworkers, strangers, business associates, and friends. Hell, we even lie to ourselves.
Why do most of us lie? Fear. The fear of disappointment or negative consequences. The fear of not being seen in the light that we wish to be seen. The fear of rejection. The fear of confrontation.
Now you may be thinking to yourself, “Hey, I don’t lie”. Bullshit. You do. You know it. Have you ever rationalized something to yourself? That’s a lie - sugar coating reality. A rose by any other name… While you may not blatantly lie to another, you are bound to “exaggerate” (lie), fail to mention (lie), gloss over (lie), or rationalize (lie) multiple times daily. There’s really no escaping it - your’e a liar.
What can you do about it? It’s simple really. First, you need to come to the realization that you are not going to be able to please all the people all the time. Your actions and decisions are bound to ruffle some feathers, and you need to be prepared to deal with the fallout. You can’t live your life expecting to never step on any toes. People will accept your decisions, so long as you are truthful and forthright in your explanation. What they won’t forgive is dishonesty.
Secondly, and more difficult, you need to shift your paradigm. Instead of shying away from situations that may require you to be less than 100% honest, embrace those opportunities as a time to shine. Step into a difficult spot, and let your honesty fly. Watch the wonder in others as you step up and take the heat. Take responsibility for a failure, and swell in other’s eyes. Awaken to the realization that other’s will expect you to lie, and will respect you when you surprise them with your honesty.
Finally, see yourself as an example for others to follow. If you are fortunate enough to have children, remember that they will learn through your actions, not your words. Telling them to be honest is merely lip-service. Let them see you live honestly, and they will truly learn. If you have subordinates, remember that they too will follow your lead. Always remember that others are taking their cues from your actions, and it should help when you are feeling weak.
So give it a shot. Try incorporating a little more honesty into your daily routine. Next time you feel the urge to lie, take the alternate route. Muster up the courage to speak honestly - you’ll be glad you did.
September 6th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Enjoyed reading this comment on liar, liar.
I don’t think the world can handle complete honesty.
What about the lie that spares someones feelings?
I do think if we could all strive to be just a little bit more truthful things would be better.
Deception rots everything from the inside out.
September 8th, 2006 at 3:44 am
One of my old bosses was a total fraud. He lied about everything. He was like the guy from the movie catch me me if you can. It was amazing.
He started several bogus companies on the mainland and had mail boxes for them at UPS stores. He also had bogus websites, email addresses and 1-800 numbers that forwarded to his cell phone, etc.
He would then claim to have worked for all these companies as an executive.
People would check his references and call former employers but everything was diverted back to him and of course he gave himself great recommendations.
First… He managed to get a job as the Marketing Director at the local TV station. They paid thousands of dollars to move him, his car and all his stuff to Hawaii as well as a bonus for housing. Soon after he started, they realised they had been duped and fired him.
Sometimes people are reluctant to say bad things about people when they fire them for fear of legal issues.
This dude took full advantage of this and used the fact that he was the “Marketing Director” for the local TV station as a way to get a job as my boss at a local tour company that I worked at.
The domain names for all the companies he said he worked for were all registered to him and he re-purposed the P.O Box addresses on his own personal website, etc.
He was totally clueless and I knew he was a fraud so I was always messing with his head. I would ask questions that I already knew the answer to, then trap him. I never called him a liar, I would just ask more and more questions to see how far he would be able to stretch the story. He wasn’t very smart so the lies would contradict each other fairly quickly… which would lead to more questions about the inconsistencies. He hated it. (And me)
I eventually got “Laid off” after about three months. (This was what I wanted anyway) I started looking for a new job as soon as he was hired. I got a much better job in no time.
People like that are a little scary. I messed with his head fairly hard on a daily basis. Looking back, I probibly should have just left him alone. You never know about people like that.
September 9th, 2006 at 10:11 am
Wow (hawaii SEO).. this guy was a liar and thief (which we know goes hand in hand). You are right about one thing… fooling with someone that void of a conscience could be a dangerous game!
False motives is also a type of deception. Sometimes a person can have false motives w/o even realizing it until some situation comes up and they then realize their foundation was weak due to false motives in whatever the endeavor happens to be.
Interesting thoughts… there are a lot of ways to be dishonest and deceive. I do think there is a difference between those who PURPOSELY deceive and lie and those who don’t necessarily lie and con others just for the sake of doing it though.
I also think lies of omission are rampant in our society, that is one of the biggest reasons I wound up divorced. Sometimes what people DONT tell, gets them in more trouble than what they DO tell.
September 10th, 2006 at 8:03 am
Excellent post Greg, thank you. I don’t think there is a human on this earth that can claim to never ever lie and we all need reminding every now and them. Good to think about before opening our mouths…